i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
