glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
