I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You took a bar mat shot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
