Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
