When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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