guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize