I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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