We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
