apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
