Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
