i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
