So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have surprise drugs for everyone
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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