Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize