You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sext me about skeletons
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
