My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize