I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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