sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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