I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
