All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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