So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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