There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize