Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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