My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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