she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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