It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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