i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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