How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
