just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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