I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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