I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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