Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
