dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
