the condom got lost in my hair
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize