I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
