remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
