Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
