I wish I only lived at night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
