I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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