after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
