He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
