There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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