why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
