yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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