Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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