If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
