never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He better not be in your backpack
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
