"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
