My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
