bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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