no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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