Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
