someone threw a dead crab at me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
