my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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