I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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