Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize