yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
