Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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