oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
