when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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