If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
