Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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