I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
