well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
