How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hippo gnu deer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize