he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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