Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We need to rekindle our bromance
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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