he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
