i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
