I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
