She is in my trunk
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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