Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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