I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
