Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
