I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
