Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize