WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
