What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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