At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
