i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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