Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
