I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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