you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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