When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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