did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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