just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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