Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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