tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize