by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
