I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
