I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
