it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
