He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
