fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
porn star boner night. come get it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
