so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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