i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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