so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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