so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
