just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
