How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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